Week 4

It was a close week for many teams in the NFL, with low scores. The same was true for our league. Weird how that correlates. There were seven games that were decided by 3 points or less, (Vikings v Broncos, Rams v Cardinals, Browns v Chargers, Jaguars v Colts, Eagles v Redskins, Raiders v Bears, Lions v Seahawks) with only one winning team hitting 30 points (Chargers). Last week in the NFL there was just one game that was decided by 3 pts or less (Colts v Titans), but the winning team scored 35.

Individual highs/lows vs league average

*After a monstrous Week 3, where eight teams beat their previous weeks score by at least 10%, only two did it this week. The league average score from Week 3 to Week 4 dropped by over 50%, from 109.53 to 87.33. The firepower that many teams enjoyed just didn't last. Only one team scored over 110 pts (John), a first time for this season.

Fours in Week 4: 

• Four teams missed their projected score by 20+ or more
• Steven -37.25, Scott H -35.89, Scott K -22.1, and Christie -20.6
• Jesse has would have beaten four other teams with his score of 80.4
• Jesse remains 0-4. He has lost be an average of 34.05 pts/game
• Sean and Brent are the only teams to beat their projected score four times aka every week
• Sean beat his by 4.01 this week
• Brent is the only manager to score of 100 in ALL four games 
• With this week's score, he moves ahead of Scott H as the league leader in scoring

Actual Average Pts v Average Projected Pts

The two games of the week I had my eyes on was Brent v Caleb and Ben v Cameron.... B v C.... British v Colonials...

Caleb made a lot of noise last week after his unexpected season high of 132.68. While Caleb had strong showings from all of his team (except Matt Stafford - 10 pts for a QB ain't going to cut it), he didn't have the breakout player that Brent had. Devonta Freeman scored a whopping 34.4 pts (he scored 38.8 last week). Freeman is playing outside of his mind. From ESPN: "According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Freeman is the first player since the merger to rush for three TDs in each of his first two career starts." This type of production cannot last, but Mustache Salad moves to 3-1 on the year and jumps into first place. And what is even scarier is the RBs on Mustache's bench - Ingram has been solid this year posting double digit scores every week and Gurley looked really good against a tough Arizona Defense.

• Both teams look to have favorable matchups this next week. Mustache faces an unpredicable Quiddity of Luck and Bayo'wolf has his homecoming against Luchess's Cousin. 

Ben made a strong move after losing his starting QB and picked up Bortles, but the fall of Big Ben would prove to only help Cameron, who has Le'Veon Bell (22.7) on his team. The RB and DEF would prove the difference in the family affair. Cameron only need bel and Carolina forced 5 turn overs and scored a TD. The real villain is Doug Martin (21.8), who I think is a total sham and ruined me last year, had himself a game for Cobra Kai. He, unfortunately, was on the bench. 

The rest of the league games were... well, kind a blah. Sure, you had the solid performance by John, but the fact that Steven one with a score of 68.76 pts v Scott K tells you all you need to know about this week. I beat Danny (unless there is a friggin stat correction of some kind) by only scoring 86 pts. I mean, Scott H score dropped by almost 60% from last week (138 to 59).  Christie went M.I.A as well (dropped by ~31%). This was a bad week for the league. However, I think we will bounce back. In 2014 we had three weeks (3, 11,15) where we averaged ~87+ pts a team, the following week after we improved by at least 8% or 6 pts. I think the low score also speaks to how difficult this league is. I commend each of you on your efforts. The road ahead is long and difficult and probably not worth it. 

I do want to point out a few managers who look tough: 

• I have mentioned Brent enough up above, but he is definitely a force to be reckoned with.
• Sean. He has never scored below 100, averages almost 110 pts/game, has the lowest st. dev., and is 3-1.
• Jaime. He hasn't said a word. Won't do a manager spotlight. I don't know if he even read this, but he looks tough. I look at few things: scoring over 100, avg score, consistency ie standard deviation, and of course record. He has lit up the score just once (120.42), scored over 100 twice, but is averaging 100 pts a game, and has one of the lowest standard deviations in the league at 14.32 (the low for context is Sean at 8.5). Most importantly he is 3-1. 
• I think Scott has a lot of firepower... He just had a rough week.

* As stat corrections happen on Oct 8, the figures provided in this post may be a little off. 

Week 3

The undefeated are dead. Caleb went off like the blood moon. Jesse dug his grave deeper and The Champ showed The Comeback Kid what was what. Lets dig in. 

Nitty gritty stats (but are really easy to compute): 

1) Average Team Score: 109.53; up almost 12% over last week 

2) Standard Deviation of Scores: 32.56; up about 72% 

3) Average Margin of Victory: 39.09; up almost 82%

4) Average Projected vs Actual Score: 11.85; Up 322%  

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? It means, buy a 72 hour kit, and this week was an wacky.  Fantasy is wacky. How does one player (multiple players actually) score more than an entire team this week? Poor management and apathy are probably contributing, but this week is definitely and outlier... despite the relatively small sample size of three weeks. 

Leading off this week is the eye popping improvement that BAYO'WOLF underwent. They cleaned

the locker room. Got their eight hours of sleep. AND stacked up on the protein shakes. Remember this team scored 82 and 79 points the first two weeks and they jumped to 132.68; a ~68% improvement. WOW. Get it dawg. Uhh!! This has to hurt TUESDAYS W/MEGATRON, who had  solid games from his core set of players - Matty Ice had 29, Hopkings with 10, and All Day AP with 28. That will get you through to Zion on most weeks. AJ Green was standing at Devil's gate and turned back the handcart company of TwM, with an alarming 45.70 pts. Green had 6 and 10 his first two weeks... I don't think we will see this kind of firepower again from the Wolf. 

He may be in Brazil, but I know he has connection to data or wifi... he's been texting me! So, the only explanation of the absolutely horrific performance of LUCHESSE'S COUSIN is that he threw in the towel a long time ago. When you have six of your starters combine - COMBINE - for 9.1 points its no doubt going to be an L. I don't want to detract from the performance of PERSIAN LIVES MATTER, who had strong showings from the Golden Boy Tom Brady (29 pts - this was his lowest week! Lucky for mokes-a-lot that Brady has a bye next week and ageless wonder Steve Smith Sr. (37 pts). Did I mention that Steve Smith alone would have been Luchesse's Cousin? Just piss poor. Persia has improved week over week by ~20%.... That's a funny sentence.....Persian Lives Matter has improved week over week by ~20%. If only this was real life. Maybe they have? Moving on. 

The game of the week was MUSTACHE SALAD and IN RUSS WE TRUST. This game was decided by 4.58 pts and was tight until late Monday night. I think Brent has found his dynamic duo in the Trojan and the Panther, who combined for 50.34 pts this week (they combined for 57.9 the week prior - check that stat for me, will you Brent?). But the absolute pick up for the week, and really the year thus far, was D. Freeman for Brent. Freeman was projected to score 12.3 pts this week - he scored 38.8, which is 215% better than projected. Damn, Scott luck sucks. Scott has had the most difficult schedule thus far with teams averaging over 119 pts/game. He can take comfort in the fact that his lowest score is 109.3 and is averaging almost 126 pts/game - the highest in the league. The second highest average pts/game is Brent at 124. 

I was personally looking forward to the matchup between KAEPTIVATING and MOKES-A-LOT, as Sean was one of three teams to still remain undefeated. Mokes-a-lot manged her team to perfection. None of her bench players outscored the starters. It was a different story for the DR. This was the one week where Blount was worth a wooden nickle and scored 27 pts! His other RB on the bench scored 19 pts, while his starter, the hyped up break out player of 2014, Mr. Forsett scored just 3.3 pts. He has yet to score over 10 pts. These are both solid teams, neither has scored below 100 and have beaten their yahoo projections each week. Sean is beating his projections by an average of almost 8 and Christie's is almost 9. Other teams have a higher average (Brent @ almost 19 and Scott @ 18), but their standard deviations on beating their scores are the two lowest. 

Another big surprise game of the week was QUIDDITY OF LUCK and WATAAAAAAH!. Steve saw a huge benefit from changing his name and got big results from Aaron Rodgers - a sickening 42.82 pts, the guy is the real deal.. 5 TDs! - and over 27 pts from Randle (RB) and Olsen (TE). While Steven has improved week over week (44.87%), this jump was quite a move for him, as last week he barely eclipsed 100. Steve is only the second player to score over 140, the other is Brent which also happened this week. Cameron bounced back from a bad week 2, but it just wasn't enough this week... Both teams face 1-2 teams. It will be brother v brother, with Cameron and Ben. I like Cameron's chances, despite being 0-2 all time vs Ben. 

This is what a Qtr of a pie chart looks like

Speaking of Ben, COBRA KAI  is going to have a very difficult time without his large QB, suitably named, Big Ben and has gotten less than advertised from Murray in Philly. Frankly put, he doesn't have a deep team, Sally. It looks bad as Roethlisberger has contributed almost a quarter of the teams total points (see the chart). ROLLING GAZELEMS are rolling. Hopefully, I will be saying that a lot this year! Huh, DAN?!!?!?! They have improved week over week by ~6% on average, have the second lowest standard deviation in the league, boast a healthy average score of 108.27 pts/game, and just hit their season high of 115.92. When this team is healthy (Brees/Lynch) they could be really scary. 

Scott K., its your turn. STRAITOUTTAGRONKTON I don't know what happened man... Since your opening game it has been ugly... with an average week over week drop of almost 25%. This doesn't look good for you. At least Luck is starting to look more like Luck, but Joe Flacco has outscored him so far this season. More than half of Carlos Hyde's points came in week 1. The only real bright spot is Beckham. 

Manager Spotlight: StraightOuttaGronkton

David - As a Rookie of this league you've come in as someone who seems to be on a mission. What are your goals for this season?

Scott - Being the new kid on the block in the league, I feel a lot like any rookie in the NFL. I want to make a good impression and make the right waves in the league. Will it be an Odell Beckham jr. kind of year or will it be a Johnny Manziel kind of year? I prefer something in the middle, maybe like a Teddy Bridgewater. I've got a good team, now it's up to the Fantasy Gods to decide my fate.

What is the greatest sporting accomplishment of your life?

In the 2nd grade I quit T-Ball because my coach was a dick. Sometimes your greatest accomplishments are standing up for whats right. 


You're the youngest in your family. How has that shaped you? Can you give me an example?
As the youngest in the family I've been able to see the paths of my siblings laid before me and learn from their mistakes and their triumphs. Does that come with a price-tag? Absolutely. There is definitely some scrutiny that comes from my siblings. But it's worth it.

You are young in your marriage. Does she have the final say? Basically, who runs the show?

In my young marriage I like to think there is a mutual respect for each others decisions. We both realize that if we wanted to run the show we could, but we keep things pretty diplomatic. I'd honor her wishes if she asked and she'd likewise honor mine. So if it was really important to either one of us to do something then usually the other would concede.

Shoe Size: 10

Favorite YouTube Channel: ERB (Epic Rap Battles of History)

CandyCrush Level: 702

Rubiks Cube Solve Time: 2:15

Current TV Binge: Suits

Favorite Brad Pitt Movie: Fight Club

Starburst Rank: Pink, Red, Orange, Yellow

Whats playing on my Spotify: Luke Christopher - Roses

Current Republican Nominee Favorite: Ben Carson

Was 9/11 an inside job: I don't think so

On my Christmas List: Moto 360 v2

Least favorite color: Mustard Yellow

Week 2

First off, how weird is the NFL? It all started with that wacky game in Kansas City and ended with a snooze fest in Indy. Romo got hurt. Bradford sucks. Colts look terrible. The Pats shoot it out with everyone. The Steelers are a fantasy dream. Jacksonville won. Manzel looked good. Just odd.

For our league though... This week was projected to be a wider spread between scores than Week 1, i.e. the standard deviation was projected to be about 6 compared to last weeks of 5.39 The actual standard deviation was 17.74 this week... Meaning, we are all over the map. The league averaged 95.65 pts per team this week. The high was NOT Kaeptivating with 121.58 pts... It was Mustache Salad with 124.5; Cobra Kai was just behind with 121.26. The biggest blowout was Mustache Salad vs Tuesdays w/Megatron with the margin of victory of 43.88. The average margin per victory was 21.49, over 36% higher than last week.. So I guess yahoo was right with their projections. Graphs will be up Week 4-5.

The game of the week was Wataaaaah! and Bayo'wolf. With just a tenth of point difference it was an (I have been waiting to say this for so long) offensive struggle! For about 20 mins on Sunday night Bayo'wolf had the game won. Then, as suddenly Bayo'wolf had it won, he lost it. The fantasy gods said no. Stat correction! I try not too look at the bench of teams in a matchup...but these teams left a lot of fire power on the bench (Wataaaaah! with Cooper at 20+ and Bayo'wolf with Kaepernick at 33+). Hopefully Wataaaaah! didn't believe me about Oakland.

• Both teams were probably expecting their TEs to produce as they did the past week, but it was hard for an apparition to show again - I'm looking at you Seferian-Jenkins last week's 26.5. However, Bayo'wolf''s WR Randle has scored just 3.2 pts over three games. Not good. Both teams have quite a few injuries so I would expect them to bounce back. However, in the short term it will be rough road for Wolf, who has missed his projected scores by 10.78 and has yet to score over 80 pts. Wataaaaah!, on the other hand, faces a weak team in CaustiouslyOptimistic next week and could go 3-0.

Kaeptivating appears to be a tough team as he scored over 120 pts this week in a win over Persian Lives Matter.  This was an improvement for Persia as well, scoring 20% more than last week! Way to go gang! A bright spot for both teams was the QB play and you guessed it, their kickers - combined to score over 42 pts each. However, both teams should look into getting a defense though.

• Another piece of unsolicited advice PLAY TOM BRADY (39.04 pts). The dude is possessed right now. He also plays Jacksonville next week... AH HOY MATY! Won't matter much though as Persia faces Luchesse. Kaep should another test in Week 3 against mokes-a-lot.
• Kaep beat his 2014 Week 2 score by 40.06 pts.  He's just been waiting to do this. 

I have a feeling that In Russ We Trust and mokes-a-lot are going to be tough this year. Just a feeling. Can't say where it is from, but it is strong in me. I will tell you one thing, In Russ We Trust is confident in his ability to manage his team. He doesn't need a QB (later Romeo), he sure as hell doesn't need a kicker (look out friend, kickers are important). All he needs is Antonio Brown 33.4 and D'Angelo Williams 27.6. mokes-a-lot lost by a mere 1.06.

• That is a soda at the gas station just down from my house. $1.06.. I lied its $1.07, but that is a small thang man!  Frustrating. Dammit. I mean, that's what a girl would say who was way into fantasy football and cared about it and thought about it all the time and hunted the waiver wire like a gypsy hunts for pockets. Plus, if you were to tell this same girl, excuse me, woman that Manning would pull it together after a rough first half and score 24+, white Boston homer Edelman scores 24 and Charles puts up 18, she would think she is going to win. She didn't though. Math is math. Its a law and on the end of that law is a consequence affixed. That consequence of summing all the points and comparing it to the other team is a loss for mokes. 

The Champ, Mustache Salad, put Tuesdays w/ Megatron to bed! Mustache salad out scored his projected score by 28.54 pts, while his opponent missed his projected score by 17.15 pts. I guess John quit caring when he went to Europe. This was a strong showing for Mustachio, who relied heavily on pain medication to get through the weak. He had a heavy dose of Cardinal. Palmer and Fitz combied 57.90 pts! That's a serious drug. 

• Pssssttt, Cardinals face the Niners next week. Big Rapist Ben lit them up, FYI. Denver's D put up a whopping 22.6 pts as well to mask the poor performance of Eddie Lacy. I'm like WTF man! TwM just didn't have enough juice in the tank, despite strong appearances from Matt Ryan, Adrian Peterson, and Boldin. 

CaustiouslyOptimistic was pretty chatty early on. Words were exchanged which provided Cobra Kai with some bulletin board material. Cobra's bulletin board motivates him to do better and also reminds him of other things in his life like his grocery list and upcoming events. Cobra pounded C.O. into the ground by 20 pts. Big Ben and A. Robinson just went nutzo with 40.76 + 33.10 = 73.86, just 11.2 pts less than C.O. entire team. Chalk that up as his week, dawg. 

• Cobra Kai beat his 2014 Week 2 score by 23.08 pts. 
• C.O. missed his 2014 Week 2 score by just 3.22. However, he improved his score by 34.37% week over week. Moncreif helped provide that lift by scoring 18.9 pts. 

Rolling Gazelems is rolling. Staying steady - averaging 103.95 over his first two games. StraightOuttaGronkton has not been steady. His week over week dropped by over 32% and missed his projected score by almost 20 points. Bringing home the victory was Rolling's WRs Marshall and Decker S.O.G has yet to see Luck really be as big as he was last year. He has thrown 5 picks through his first two games. Odell Beckham has lived up to the hype putting up 24.3 pts. 

• I can't believe I am going to talk about Kickers and Defense again... So boring... but look. Between Rollings K and DEF he scored 39.20 vs S.O.G net of 3.2. Yuhhh. The Niners put up -3.8. NEGATIVE THREE POINT EIGHT. 

Since no one cares about my team, but me and Jesse doesn't read any of this... I improved the most week over week at 44%, but lets be honest I had a horrible week 1. Jesse's team totally laid an egg and suck. Both of our teams suck, actually. 

Teams that are 0-2:

Optimistic 

Luchesse - 3rd hardest schedule, and has been beaten on average by 29.44

Persia

Teams that are 2-0:

Russ - 2nd toughest schedule

Kaep- faces moke-a-lot who is averaging 107.87

Water 

Manager Spotlight: Rolling Gazelems

David - I believe you were an original member of this league. You were Jawbone, if I'm not mistaken. Why did you step away from the game of fantasy? Why are you back?

Danny - My first team was actually called neck bone. I named that team after the character by the same name in the movie Mud. I actually don't really enjoy playing fantasy, I think fantasy ruins some of the fun parts of watching the game. I took a step back because I am/was busy doing other things and I felt like I didn't enjoy watching football, I found myself rooting for people that were sort of despicable like the quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers in order to win a game.  I came back because I realized that I could have fun with my family and friends and get over some of the ridiculousness of fantasy fandom.


If you worked for the NFL, what job would it be? Player? Coach? Sideline judge?

I think the NFL is a corrupt organization and can't imagine ever working for them.
I did coach high school football team in Hawaii for one game and I stood on the sidelines... we beat the best team in the state with me on the sidelines.  I felt like I could've been a really good linebacker coach. I see myself as more of a mystical coach that paces about with nothing to say with or without a headset slapping guys on the top of the head and pads and screaming obscenities to encourage them to be wild and crazy guys. A clipboard stuff down the back of your pants sounds like a good idea, would look cool on TV and he wouldn't get any actual fame.


Interesting that you are anti the NFL and fantasy. Are you enjoying the season thus far? Albeit week 1. 

It's fine. I don't really get it so far. I don't want to be a negative nelly, I just don't know if I understand fantasy enough to love it. For some reason it feels trivial.. I get that is the point.. Just not sure I like caring about how a kicker does on a Monday night. 

What's the best idea you've ever had? When did you start having really good ideas?

? I don't know how to answer this. I have not had any good ideas and really don't have any to speak of. I think if you want to have good ideas you need to ask a lot of questions and not be afraid to be wrong.

What's the most embarrassing moment of your life?

Don't know. I think this is a really stupid question.

Most embarrassing story isn't a stupid question. It's like one of the top 50 questions to ask on a date per Ask.com, formally askjeeves, the most trusted search engine known to man. It's an good get to know you/ice breaker. 

I think embarrassing moments are by their nature not something you want to repeat. For me I block them out. Hence, when someone shares an embarrassing moment it should make them feel ashamed.. How is that an icebreaker? Are you suggesting we all want "celebrities are just like us" moments a la US Weekly?

What's one mistake everyone makes with interior design or layout of their home?

I don't know. Most people and pictures too high.  5 ft to the center bruh

Most people and pictures too high? Can you elaborate on that? 

Most people hang pictures too high. 

Most people have shitty taste in art. 

Most people don't pay attention to lighting. 

Most people shop for decor at HomeGoods, TJ Max ect.. All of that decor is designed in the same place (Northridge CA) and made outside of Yuma Az in Mexico. 

I'm not actually a decorator and don't work in single family homes. My advice and opinions are not worth anything since my background is commercial hospitality not home residential. I'd suggest following Kelly Werstlers IG feed for inspiration

Fantasy Football: Team Name Tournament for the Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar League 2015

I have identified four critical characteristic that a team name must have. Each category is weighted from 1-5, 1 being the best score. I have seeded the teams according to the lowest score derived.  This scoring was used to set the seeding. I then leveraged the brilliant minds of two of my co-workers to advance teams through the tourney.

Congrats, Scott K. You are the best.

Week 1 Part II

I just couldn't resist doing part II. You guys deserve it.

The league averaged 96.42 pts per team this week. The high was In Russ We Trust with 126.54. Biggest blowout belongs to Kaeptivating. The average margin of victory was 15.76. Half of the league won their first game. I heard saw the Patriots Superbowl interception 1,000xs and heard about deflate-gate 1,000xs

Almost the Move of the Week: Persian Lives Matter Picked up the Miami Defense. Somehow he knew that they would be marginally better than Detroit. However, he then dropped Tyler Lockett who would score 10.8 pts on CautiouslyOptimistic's bench...

Let's start with the biggest blowout of the week - Kaeptivating vs Mysterious Meat. The key to this matchup was Kaep's team actually showing up. Neither QB really made an impact and Gronk's monster game was almost matched by Julio Jones' monster game. The RBs were nothing special for either side. Meat's WR1 D. Jackson went out in the first quarter with a hamstring injury scoring 0 pts and Tampa's kicker failed to get on the board as well. Kaep's WR1 Landry put up 14 pts, while his stingy defense Baltimore put up 17.8. Do the math...

• Kaep won by 39.08 points. Last year Week 1's biggest blowout was Breathtaking Ruin vs Pippa Hills. Pippa lost by 47.02. 

The defending Champs, Mustache Salad, had a difficult time with Wataaaaah!, but due to the unforeseen TE A. Seferian-Jenkins from TB. We should have known! Cameron did some deep research and found this bold prediction. But honestly, Mustache had better QB and RB performance...  so you'd think that would carry him. However, none of his WRs found the end zone. Oh, I did fail to mention that Cleveland's defense was piss poor for Mustache - 1.80 pts. That was nice of them. Wataaaaah! on the other hand had a monster game from his defense with 23.3 pts. 

• Mustache dropped his first two last year. I wouldn't sweat it. Wataaaaah! will do his best not to repeat what happened to him last year... Opened with a W and then dropped his next 11. 11 straight. 

In the most boring game of the week, Bayo'wolf and CautiouslyOptimistic tried their best not to win with each scoring less than 80 pts. The key difference in this truly offensive struggle was the TE position (I KNOW I SAID THE TE DOESN'T MATTER AND I AM A FOOL!). Greg Olsen, trusty reliable, Greg Olsen. Damn you Olsen. 1.2 pts?! Wolf benefited greatly from Mariota's career day (no matter what would've happened it would have been a career day...) catching one of the four first half TDs. 

• Dez Bryant didn't do much before he broke his foot. It looks like Wolf will have to insert Percy Harvin into his lineup. May not be such a bad thing as Percy had 17.3 pts. 

In a highly anticipated matchup with the a seasoned and salty vet, even the Assistant Commissioner, Luchesse's Cousin vs one of the big time rookie's, who likes to party, StraitOuttaGronkton. Both teams should be excited about their backfield as both their RBs scored over 42 pts combined. Neither Luck or Bradford, as chance would have it, would show up. The WRs looked... bad... Gronk had a total of 5.5 pts. Luchesse had 10.1. Great work, fellas. 

• Thankfully, the difference in this game wasn't the TE! It was the defense and the kicker. Yes, the kicker. Bryant put up 17 pts while SF Defense, which by my count lost three all pro starters smoked AP and Teddy - 15.6 pts. Do the math. No? I will do it for you: 17+15.6 = 32.6. Margin of victory? 110.92 - 85.24 = 25.68. Looks like everyone in fantasy matters.... I hate fantasy. 

At this point I want to be done doing this. I am sure this is full of grammatical errors and no one is going to read it. But I just can't quit. 

In Russ We Trust and Cobra Kai was almost all that it lived up to be. Surely this is when we would see Calvin Johnson light up the score board. No, he did not. Doug Martin would do live up to his hype and the size of his legs. Nope, it would not happen. Cobra looked so promising. Big Ben had a decent game. You know Murray would play well and the icing on the cake would be Eifert going for 23.3 pts. Another freaking TE. It was all for naught. Russ had it locked up with a wild game in St. Louis. Despite the loss, Seattle's defense would recover 3 fumbles, return one of the fumbles for a TD and return a kick and a punt. That's just how the cookie crumbles in this here fantasy league. Wild indeed. 

Somehow. I can't even. Somehow, mokes-a-lot (you really should stope smoking it will kill you) beat Rolling Gazelems despite... Oh, this is great, despite Manning putting up a whopping 5 pts. You tell me Manning puts up 5 pts I take that beat all day. I go all in. There would be something prophetic in the way that Rolling Gazelems lost and which could be the theme for this week, a TE won the game. I skipped church to watch the Chiefs and the Texans. "That's a weird game to skip church to watch," you say. I say,"Only God can judge me. I am supporting my fellow teammate. I need to live vicariously through him." And somehow Kelce and Alex Smith just rip apart the Texans defense. It was just sickening. It looked like a bunch of children out there. 

Finally, the barn burner, Tuesdays w/Megatron vs Persian Lives Matter. We are almost done. Hang in there with me. I'm struggling too. What can be said about this game? Better yet, what can't be said? A TE did not decide the game! Point me. I tell you what can be said, WRs.. PISS POOR for the empire of Persia. Not as bad as Gronk, but pretty bad. Like 7.2 bad. His kicker scored more than that. Hey, kickers are an integral part of fantasy. Don't mock them. 

• Tom Brady accounted for 36% of Persia pts and 45% came from his Def, TE and Kicker. Ancillary players. The interesting part about Tuesdays is the concentration of points. Three positions accounted for 79% of his points. His QB, WR, and RB. Between his Def, WR1, and Kicker he scored 0.8 pts. Tuesdays is a gamer and got away with the closest margin of victory with 2.8 pts. 

Week 1

I won't have time tomorrow night to write about this week and Tuesday will be too late for all of you mongers. It is going to be incomplete as there are about 5 games that could be decided by tomorrow (Cameron got the better of Brent.. mine and Sean's has been decided hours ago).

Five Key Takeaways:

1. Brady and Gronk looked really great in Week 1 - 30.12 and 28.9 fantasy points respectively. I wonder if the Bills will be able to slow them down next week. Rex Ryan does a decent job against the Pats. 
2. Touch nothing with the following teams associated with them - Oakland Raiders, Jacksonville Jaguars, and probably Washington Redskins.
3. Welcome back Carson Palmer. 3 TDs and 307 yrds = 30.58. He makes Arizona a playoff team. I think Fitzgerald will benefit with targets and receptions with this return, but Palmer does a good job spreading the love around. 
4. Remember when I said TE's don't matter... I don't matter. There were 4 TE's that had over 20 pts (Gronk, Seferian-Jenkins, Kelce, and Eifert).  
5. Say goodbye to the teams scoring over 120. Last year there was only two weeks where someone did not eclipse that mark. It could still happen, but no one is on pace to hit that this week. 

Biggest Surprises:

1. Marcus Mariota. 4 TDs in the FIRST half. Sure it was against the Bucs, but it was pretty amazing for a Rookie to do what he did. He threw the ball only 16 x's, completing 81% of his passes and had 4 TDs with 209 yrds. Perhaps its worth it to start him against the Browns next week? Fitzpatrick threw for 2 tds, 179 yrd, 1 INT, and had no sacks. 
2. D'Angelo Williams. The guy has not been relevant since Carolina went to the 'ship (that was awhile ago my friend. Remember Jake Delhomme?). He had a good game against the Pats.  I don't think this continues on as the 49ers looked pretty stout this week. 
3. Alex Smith and Travis Kelce (26.42 and 25.20). Smith got off to a hot start in the first half by targeting Kelce, who would score 2 TDs. Smith has still not thrown a TD to a WR in well over a calendar year. Next week looks to be a challenging matchup as Denver's defense looks much improved.  

Biggest Disappointments:

1. Andrew Luck. 2 TDs/2 INTs/2 sacks. Luck did not look good, despite the additions of Gore and Johnson. Next week he faces the Jets, who he hasn't faced since his Rookie year. He threw 4 ints in that game. Look for him to bounce back. He's 1000% better than Johnny Football. 
2. Peyton Manning. I said that he has not looked himself, but I thought he would look sharper in todays game. He looked good on the first drive, which was all short and intermediate passes. He then overthrew two sure fire TDs and gave up a pick six. This looked like Week 14 Manning. Could be the new offense or it could be that Manning is an old dog. 
3. Injury bug - Hilton, Jackson, Carr. 

Looking back: 

Paragon Heroes (Cameron) is now wataaaaah! (five a's). Last year he started strong by scoring 106.48 and won. He has already eclipsed that mark. He then lost the next 11 games. Hopefully, this will not be the case for him again. 

The lowest score of week 1 last year came in at 65.04 by Pippa Hills (Scott H). I will probably not hit that mark. Can I overcome and finish strong like Pippa? Probably not. I will be everyone's homecoming game this year.

Jarvis Landry

I looked at a lot of player profile pictures this past weekend. This one stuck out to me not only because of his name, but his look. He's looking like a real smug. I don't like the guy and if he was on my team I would drop him immediately.

Draft Grades

I was going to do a video breaking down each team... but it was too tall of a task with little reward. However, I have provided the notes on each player and their grade below. 

1) I basically put my finger in the air and wasted hours 

1.5) I did not consider your bench nor TE.... most TE's do not matter in the league (also, I intentionally omitted talking about your starting K and DEF, because I didn't look at them either... so these grades are rather incomplete!!!). Mostly because you can't win it all with just those positions. Yes, you need solid role players, but you need a core.

2) I almost quit, but then I didn't when Scott Hyde called me and gave me some encouragement. Thank you for ruining my night.

3) The grades make no sense... 

4) I have agonized over the grades over and over 

5) My wife thinks I am insane
6) The grades make no sense 

I graded each player... grades were given a score, based on a highly complicated scale, and then I averaged the  scores to get a final grade, which was based on a scale... really scientific stuff. Letter grades to numbers to average then back to letters from the numbers. 

Team Name	Player Name	Grade	Comment
Mysterious Meat
	Ryan Tannehill Mia - QB	B	Additions of Stills and Cameron help and has improved year over year with TDs and TD/INT ratio
	Julio Jones Atl - WR	A+	Arguably the best WR in the draft. Matt Ryan targets him a ton.
	DeSean Jackson Was - WR	B	Explosive, but inconsistent, as his QB
	Jeremy Maclin KC - WR	C+	On a team that doesn’t pass the ball that well….looking at you Alex smith
	LeSean McCoy Buf - RB	B	Out week one, but long term how does he look? Was supposed to be explosive last year. Bills 25th last year in rushing offense, but shady #3.
	Melvin Gordon SD - RB	C+	biggest back and will get the short yardage looks - but will probably miss out on passing game
Paragon Heroes
	Russell Wilson Sea - QB	A	Finished 5th overall in fantasy ranking
	Amari Cooper Oak - WR	B+	stand out at Bama, hiesman finalist and developed a great relationship with d carr - and carr will target him a lot
	Marques Colston NO - WR	B	will become brees primary target - was second on the team last year with 99 targets.. But could prove difficult to get more looks w/o gram and stills
	Martavis Bryant Pit - WR	C	downfield speed and explosive play. 4 game suspension hurts, hopefully this heroes doesn’t need him right away
	Le'Veon Bell Pit - RB	A+	starts with suspension.. Big factor in passing/rushing game. Hes a monster. Finished 4th rank overall
	Lamar Miller Mia - RB	B+	Top ten rushing the ball last year - on a decent rushing team in miami. Will need to improve getting to be apart of passing game
Mustache Salad			tate and hilton finished in top 10 receiving yrds in 2014
	Teddy Bridgewater Min - QB	B	showed a lot of promise last year and going into his sophomore year he looks to improve. Dual threat and has AP back, which should help him a lot. Has a horrible TD/INT ratio
	T.Y. Hilton Ind - WR	A	lead the team in targets, receptions, and reciving yards..benefits by having a better running game. Explosive - had 21 plays of 20 yards or more
	Golden Tate Det - WR	A	lead the team in targets, receptions, and reciving yards - wonder if this continues, but nonetheless great recieiving core
	Larry Fitzgerald Ari - WR	C+	Coming off his worst year as a player - only 2 TDs, but the hope is carson palmer can stay healthy and distribute the ball better
	Eddie Lacy GB - RB	A	seventh overall in rushing; 11 best rushing team last year; receiving game has really improved - 4 receiving tds - will be targeted more with nelson injury
	Mark Ingram NO - RB	B	his best statistical year rushing… wasn’t really part of the passing game, but will get those 3rd down and goal line looks - 13th best team rushing ball
BAYO'WOLF
	Matthew Stafford Det - QB	A	top ten in yrds ; 12 best team throwing the ball - with tate and johnson he will look to have another solid year
	Dez Bryant Dal - WR	A+	Uhhh monster; give him the ball; caught 16 tds, the most for any receiver, top 10 in receptions and had 22 plays of 20 yrds or more
	A.J. Green Cin - WR	B+	had a bad year last year, but will prolly lead the team as he did this year in all things receiving…. So was his QBs (his worst of his career) AJ has shown his explosiveness, biggest question is can cinncy get it going? 25th team in receiving
	Pierre Garcon Was - WR	B	led the team in targets and receptions, but doesn’t have the explosivness and has never scored more than 6 TDs in a season. Solid, but not a game changer
	Andre Ellington Ari - RB	B-	not a guy who is going to rack up the yrds or the TDs.
	Jonathan Stewart Car - RB	B	benefits from a good rushing team and does well when he gets the ball - more efficent that ellington - with yrds per attempt and game
Kaeptivating
	Eli Manning NYG - QB	A-	Top ten in passing individually, TDs and unfortunatley INTs, but with the odell beckham jr. weapon, this year will look to be another good year for him
	Emmanuel Sanders Den - WR	A-	top ten receiving yrds, and third most plays of 20+ yrds (24 xs) wonder how mannings arm will hold up, but I see him getting another 1k+ year
	Jarvis Landry Mia - WR	B	currently WR3, but also don’t expect his production to dwindle
	Mike Wallace Min - WR	B+	should be teddy's main guy in passing attack, but this was a team that was 28th in the league in passing. Sure we expect teddy to do better… but wallace hasn’t seen a 1k in 3 seasons
	Justin Forsett Bal - RB	A	Forsett seemingly came out of now where last year and landed in the top 5 rushing yards - team was 8th overall.
	Latavius Murray Oak - RB	D-	On the worst rushing team in the NFL….. Not much to say here.
CautiouslyOptimistic
	Aaron Rodgers GB - QB	A+
	Demaryius Thomas Den - WR	A	second most receiving yrds last year and second most plays over 20+; I am bearish on manning tho….
	Vincent Jackson TB - WR	B-	Look, decent yrds, but doesn’t find the endzone a lot… rookie QB… feeling its going to be the same story
	Charles Johnson Min - WR	D-	who? Who is this?
	Joseph Randle Dal - RB	B	people are saying good things about him, but dallas may be a running by committeee, but if he gets the touches murray got, hes a solid choice
	Rashad Jennings NYG - RB	B-	hes never been the guy… not going to break out man.
Luchesse's Cousin
	Sam Bradford Phi - QB	B+	pending the injury he will sustain, but the first four games will be decent
	Davante Adams GB - WR	B	decent rookie year, will see more PT with jordy out. Decent pickup….
	Andre Johnson Ind - WR	B+	hes a little older, TY is lucks man, but I could see him around the 900  mark again  like this year with 5 or so TDs
	Stedman Bailey StL - WR	C+	3rd year, hell rotate in, but st louis passing game was 20th in  league. Hes just okay.
	Jeremy Hill Cin - RB	A	Now you are talking. Top 10 rb. I see cincy using him even more… breaks 1300 yrds and 12 TDs.
	Matt Forte Chi - RB	A	matt got you 1k yrds and 9 tds, but has the windy city actually improved this offseason??… 27th in league rushing... he has proven himself
Cobra Kai
	Ben Roethlisberger Pit - QB	A	I love what he did last year and what he has coming back. I think this year is going to be good for ben
	Calvin Johnson Det - WR	A	im looking for a rebound year in a big way… back to megtron days!
	Keenan Allen SD - WR	C	do a google search for keenan… the results will come up with not found 404 error… rivers aint looking his way either…
	Allen Robinson Jax - WR	C+	what is there to be excited about here? Plays for jax and had 2 tds last year… jax isnt turning this ship around, they are just changing the guards… second to last in passing
	DeMarco Murray Phi - RB	A+	he had SO many carries last year… would love to see how chip really uses this dude… I like this change for him
	Doug Martin TB - RB	C+	uh…. No.. This is a dude you sit on the bench
StraitOuttaGronkton
	Andrew Luck Ind - QB	A+	dude is worth it… like this a lot
	Odell Beckham Jr. NYG - WR	A	love this pickup… but I worry that teams are going to just zero in on him… already making people upset in preseason
	Sammy Watkins Buf - WR	C+	hes been a bust and will be a bust again.
	Nelson Agholor Phi - WR	B+	he is explosive, but a rookie… we have seen a lot of talent come from USC specality positions not amount to much….
	Alfred Morris Was - RB	A	solid solid RB and even more so as the skins QB situation is fluid
	Carlos Hyde SF - RB	B	like the pick, but don’t love it.. I think the niners are really going to struggle, but the hyde name will overcome… could be interesting in the backfield and need to find identy
In Russ We Trust
	Tony Romo Dal - QB	A-	you only don’t like him if you are a cowboys fan in real life…
	Antonio Brown Pit - WR	A+	money, money, money, print that money; had the most yrds last in the league
	Randall Cobb GB - WR	A	look for him to get even more targets with jordy out… during the latter half of the season you saw him get more looks in the redzone.
	Brandin Cooks NO - WR	B	brees is brees right? But this is the first time in his career without a good TE - gates and jimmy - wonder how it affects him. I do see cooks being a bigger part of O
	Joique Bell Det - RB	B-	nothing to write home about…
	Darren McFadden Dal - RB	C+	im not seeing him taking randles touches… he wasn’t awesome in oak.
Rolling Gazelems
	Drew Brees NO - QB	A	brees is gunna be brees baby
	Brandon Marshall NYJ - WR	B	new place… but better QB? I don’t think so
	Eric Decker NYJ - WR	B-	look the jets were LAST place in receiving… and he is not a great WR… he wont get the same looks with marshall there
	Alshon Jeffery Chi - WR	B+	he gains so much with marshall out fo the picture.. This is a solid pick
	Marshawn Lynch Sea - RB	A+	numbers speak for themselves. One of the best in league and was arguably a #1 pick
	Darren Sproles Phi - RB	B-	snore….. Hes not a statican juggernaut and isnt consistent enough… you need that to win this league
Tuesdays w/ Megatron
	Matt Ryan Atl - QB	A	solid….. I like matty ice
	Mike Evans TB - WR	B	has TB by his name and I don’t think winston has it in him
	DeAndre Hopkins Hou - WR	B+	on a team that was 24th in passing and he was just outside of top ten in yrds. Need to get some tds doe….
	Anquan Boldin SF - WR	B	kap likes him a lot.. And that’s all hes got going for him… so at least youll get receptions and yrds… hes not going to have a lot of tds
	Adrian Peterson Min - RB	A	how do I give him a grade? A year off lets the body heal….
	Chris Ivory NYJ - RB	B	third overall rushing team… he is what I say he is and that is a solid rb
mokes-a-lot
	Peyton Manning Den - QB	A-	has not looked himself… caves down the stretch of the season. I can totally see him not finishing the year this year... yes, I have a crystal ball
	Jordan Matthews Phi - WR	B-	just because you put lipstick on a pig doesn’t make it a pig… moving to phi isnt going to make him better.
	Julian Edelman NE - WR	B-	he will have that one game where you are like, NICE, I love him… then he will never call you again
	John Brown Ari - WR	B+	lots and lots of speed… people love this guy… I just hope palmy can stay healthy for that to happen
	Jamaal Charles KC - RB	A	is this really when you are going to break out? Quit teasing us man!!!
	C.J. Spiller NO - RB	B	hes only interesting bc of the passing comonent…
Persian Lives Matter
	Tom Brady NE - QB	A	the guy just wins - see wife, super bowl and appeals...
	Torrey Smith SF - WR	B-	bad choice… I don’t like anything in red and gold
	Steve Smith Sr. Bal - WR	B+	go utes! Look, a lot of people are seeing this as a big year for him… I do too
	Brandon LaFell NE - WR	B-	not a go to guy in the pats offense… who is really though? Gronk.
	C.J. Anderson Den - RB	B-	will be Denver's top RB from day one and with manning struggling, I see him getting a bigger role = more touches = more points
	Frank Gore Ind - RB	A	top 10 rusher and is going to a better poised team. Really like this situation